dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
