Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
