Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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