i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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