I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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