I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
