You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
