I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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