The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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