On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i came on her dog
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
