hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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