if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
