Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.

Fav 4 1246 1110
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(850): View more from Florida

paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury

Fav 13 1207 951
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(312): View more from Illinois

just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.

Fav 15 1754 3900
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(319): View more from Iowa

i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself

(612): View more from Minnesota

It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...

Fav 7 3225 1281
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(516): View more from New York

I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.

Fav 14 3081 1068
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(678): View more from Georgia

Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.

Fav 18 932 2101
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(775): View more from Nevada

We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne

Fav 5 1460 742
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(917): View more from New York City

When are your genitals available?

Fav 2 443 182
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.

Fav 0 57 16
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