we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
