So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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