I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
