she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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