remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
