OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
