Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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