I just made out with a guy for $7.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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