the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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