Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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