I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
