the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
