and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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