i need an iv and a liver transplant
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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