It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
