I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
