I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This is my gift to your gina
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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