I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
