Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
