she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
