Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
