I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
