College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
