Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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