Screwed.edu
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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