Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize