Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize