Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
