I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
