Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
