omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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