I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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