So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
