i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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