he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
