called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
