Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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