please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
