I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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