I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
