OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
