I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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