Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
