I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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