There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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