i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
