dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We are all done wearing pants today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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