walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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