hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
