My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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