I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
