4 words: hood of his car
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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